That fire, that burns you inside? Do you know that fire? That feeling inside you, that eagerness to feel that person's body glued onto yours. When you look at someone and the only thing that you want to do is have them close. Is to give in. To let go of restraints. The feeling that there's no space between you. That whatever is taking place at that specific moment is real. When someone's eyes tell you everything you have to know without opening your mouth.

What I surpress. The drive you feel running through your veins. The stupid cliché smile you cannot rub off your face when you wake up. The constant desire that your eyes will meet. Sharing visions and dreams and ambitions and fantasies. Feeling something comes across without the need for you to justify yourself. Being for the sake being. Looking in the same direction. Reaching the peek of desire for another person, for another person as a whole. Body, mind and soul. Having the certainty and the doubt, all mixed together in one feeling alone. Loving so much that you fear to lose even though the fear kind of gives you something to wish for, to cherish. What about that?

Will I ever?

Will I always associate love with failure, with rejection, with giving in? Will that be, in 20 years time, the only memory I have of it? Will I be too dried up inside to even cry?

Pensamento de amor. Claro.

Quando penso em alguém, penso em ti. Não me sais da cabeça. Pergunto-me, porquê? O quê? Não sei porque agi de tal forma, mas arrependi-me. Não esperava que me sentisse assim.

Todos foram, tu ficaste. Esperaste. E eu... vi-te. Sentado. À espera. E quanto é que eu devia ter-te beijado? Quanto...? Mas qualquer coisa no íntimo do meu ser puxou-me para trás. Como faz sempre. Teve medo de sair e dizer e ser, simplesmente ser.

Ser um todo e coerente ser humano. Equilibrado e sereno. Tranquilo e sincero. Genuíno e intuitivo... Características que me parecem estar mais longe que o horizonte. Auuuuuuuu Auuuuuuuuuu Estás? Está lá ... Está? ---------------------- Caiu. Pofffffffff!

E agora que farei com todos estes flashes de memória misturados com antecipação? Eles estão aqui a esvoaçar na minha mente. Imagino que este processo de descoberta seja o mais difícil de se ultrapassar. Porque não vimos com um livro de instruções.

Não nos deciframos e passamos uma vida inteira a tentar fazê-lo. A nós próprios e aos outros e a todos ao mesmo tempo. É aquele mistério inexplicável que nos atrai como um hímen a certas pessoas e outras não. Porque simplesmente há pessoas que queremos descobrir e outras não. LÁ está, procura esse sentimento. O de ter vontade de descobrir alguém. Não o de ser descoberto. It's the wrong way round. Mas dói, ou não? Dói-dói, não dói? Bom, imagino que sofrer sempre fez parte do pacote, no fucking way round it in any case.

Bring it on. A próxima vez que acordar vou pensar em ti. Só espero que saibas.

Too much. There is so much pressure that everything is blurred. My mind is foggy, as if along the way I lost what kept on driving me forward. I got stuck in the past. And now I have no clue as to how to move on. And I search, and search and I can't find it... There's something stopping me from breathing, as if there's a filter. And the air is not allowed to pass. I used to long for love. I used to long for the feeling of being loved. But what I didn't see was that I have to long for feeling love. I want to love. Someone. I want to give away. I want to catch all the torn and wretched pieces and give them to someone. In offer. The sparkle. The drops. One by one. Echoing inside my brain...

How does one find themselves? How does one connect to the source. What about stripping myself of the useless top layer that just grows thicker and thicker. The sea, the way it it it. I long for you. JJ AJOAJAAOJJJJJJQOJAAAAAAA

QN TAKE me with you. Pulsations. Beatings. Feeling lonely and pointless. How can you? Stop. Why does it not make me feel better? Why don't I feel better. Instincts, irresponsability or need? Which one? Treating them as instincts is clearly not making me feel any better inside. Only anxious. Leaning on the very edge of chair. Reaching for the sky. Floor. Which one is the way? Should I not be so worried? And if so, how does one detach from such overpowering thoughts? That haunt me. My mind. At night. Right now. Just now. Killing me softly and slowly and in such a pleasurable way. How do I deal with the fact that I know what is wrong? Make it right? Sadly the river keeps on running. And my insignificant existence is not able to fight against the tide. Are you (conscience) getting the best of me. Sucking whatever it is that lies within me, out. Turning me outside in or inside out or the opposite way. What about this constant dissatisfaction? Does the wind not blow, does its breeze keep you cold or refresh you. Two. Two points of view. What about a thousand? A million? Guidance from inside my brain

which drive me closer to insanity than I've ever been or desired to be. Close the fucking window, it's cold. Is it not? Yes. Leave. Me. Behind. Let me know. Say goodbye?